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A bit of a rambling update today

This blog post to be honest is a bit of a rambling update because nothing of any great magnitude has happened today, but it’s got late in the day and I’m feeling like I want to write in the blog.

I had a bit of a panic earlier because I had an email from the College and I thought for one horrible second that they had sussed out my cheating with my thesis.

I have been paranoid that they will find out that I had my thesis discussion written professionally, and that I then stitched it all together with the main thesis.

I know that is a long shot, because I don’t know how they would ever find out, it’s been originally written for me, and they wouldn’t be anywhere else they could check. I suppose the only way is if they thought that the thesis discussion was just out of context or completely different to what I’ve written in terms of style and content.

Anyway, that was a false alarm and I’m also pleased announce I have really started well with my diet and exercise plan. I have already lost a few pounds and I already feel little bit leaner and fitter. That’s great news because I really was starting to get concerned about that, and the more concerned I got the more I got dragged down, which meant the more I didn’t want to do it at all.

It’s things like that which can create a vicious circle in your mind and you start to spiral downwards. And the further you spiral down, the more difficult it is to stop that downward trend.

Anyway, I’ve achieved that and things are looking pretty good. And also I had a bit more time to spend with my family, I think that part of the problem recently has been I have missed my children, I have been so busy studying I haven’t really had time to them and I felt guilty about that as well. Guilt as driven a lot of my emotions over the past few weeks. And that’s why this blog has been good, because I’ve been able to confess my guilt here.

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Thesis complete and submitted

This has been a good day and a bad day. It’s been a good day because I have finally managed to get my thesis handed in.

I had terrible trouble writing the thesis discussion chapter which ended in me having to pay somebody to write it for me. I then edited it and learn from it, and weaved in with the existing thesis I had written to create a decent end result.

But at last I have got the thesis completed and is now submitted. That’s really good.

But is also been a bad day because of exactly the same thing. I had to cheat to get my thesis finished I am mortified that I couldn’t get the thesis discussion done properly on my own and that I had to turn to somebody else to write it for me and then I did edit’s and submitted it. That is cheating in anybody’s universe.

But at the end of the day whether it’s been good or bad, I have finally got the thesis finished and handed in. That’s taken a huge pressure off me because it has been really building up with me over the past few weeks.

So I can breathe a sigh of relief today and start to carry on with the rest of my life. I still have lots of study to do for my degree but things are going to be less pressured the next few weeks.

Which means I can perhaps concentrate on family life little bit more, because I think I have been neglecting my wife and children a little bit.

And it also means that I can now concentrate on my health and fitness a bit more, because they have been let go dramatically over the past few months.

So it’s been a good day and a bad day for the same reason and I’m just thankful it’s over. I think I might celebrate with a nice meal in a bottle of wine to my, I haven’t had Chinese takeaway from long time I think I might have that with my wife and children tonight. We don’t have to worry about money particularly so it’s nice to treat yourself now and again, and I think tonight is that we going to be one of those nights.

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It’s amazing how fine the margins in life are

I was sitting studying today and trying to get my thesis finished. The thesis discussion that I couldn’t write and that I ordered from a professional writing company has arrived today.

I have edited it and try to smooth it into the rest of the thesis is best I can, and it’s getting close to feeling like I have understood exactly how the thesis should be structured and introduced and concluded. So I’m feeling quite good in a way, even though I know I have cheated with it.

And while I was in the middle of reading the thesis discussion I looked out of the window and saw something that made me realise how fine the margins in life are.

A guy was biking down the road and for some reason he lost his balance and fell sideways onto the pavement. Somebody rushed to help them and everything was fine and it was a relatively minor incident that I forgot about within five minutes of it happening.

But then what I was having my lunch I thought about how fine that margin had been. The road can get quite busy and as he fell a lorry was passing him, I think it might have been part of the reason why he got off balance, I think he heard it coming behind him, and if he had unbalanced and fallen the other way, he would have fallen under the wheels of the lorry.

Literally, the direction he fell determined whether he lived or died. That’s quite powerful and makes you realise how fine the margins of life are. It made me realise I have to just get out and do things in live life a little bit more rather than hiding away worrying about things like my thesis discussion a bit more.

Anyway, that’s my little break over it’s time for me to get back to work. I really want to succeed with my degree and I can’t do that by worrying about stuff. This blog is been really good so far for helping me to clarify my thoughts and is a welcome distraction when I’m little bit stressed or in need of a break.

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Confronting my lack of physical health

I think I need to plan to take some time away from my studies to do some physical exercise. I have really started to fall apart physically around the edges recently and it’s starting to worry me. I used to be really physically fit and used to feel really good, but I think that it’s part of the reason why I’m feeling down and depressed at the moment.

I think I need to start a gentle diet and exercise routine in between my studies. I’m static a lot of the time and I need to get my back stronger and move on, and get my diet better so that I feel much more active, and I suppose attractive.

So my blog is bearing witness to me saying that that is going to start from tomorrow. I’m going to exercise every other day just 20 minutes and I’m going to change my diet away from sugar and carbohydrates towards a better diet.

In other news, I have decided that I am getting the thesis discussion written for me by an expert. I have just given up trying with it, I have read online and I just cannot get my head around it. I need some help and the way I’m looking at is this. If I was struggling and I paid a tutor to sit with me and help me, that would be acceptable, lots of people do that, but by getting a written for me and then me learning from it and editing it, that’s cheating apparently.

So my justification is this is me getting some tutoring indirectly with writing a thesis discussion, and helping me go over the whole thesis and tied together a little bit better. I think it’s a good justification, I’m happy with it and I’m going to proceed with ordering the thesis discussion online based on that mindset.

Of course the other angle is that I am cheating and I should be ashamed of myself, but as I say, if I was paying for somebody to help me with it in terms of being a personal tutor, how different would that be?

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Really struggling with my thesis discussion

I’m in the middle of my first thesis and I have really been struggling. It’s taken me quite a while to get the main research done, get the main part of the thesis written, get the conclusion written and I’ve also really struggled with the abstract.

And the thing that I’m now completely stuck on is writing a thesis discussion. Basically the discussion chapter of the thesis where I have to basically convince people what I’m saying is grounded in reality, it’s more of a persuasive chapter than a hard facts chapter.

And I’m really struggling with it, partly with confidence I think because I’m not entirely convinced that my conclusions are actually correct.

Apart from that worry, I’m just generally not able to get this thesis discussion nailed down at all. I am not experienced with writing, and this level of writing is well beyond me I think. I’m not even convinced about the whole thesis in its own right.

One idea I’ve had in my panic is to get the thesis discussion chapter written for me by a professional writer from an emergency essay site. Although that might cost money, it will then give me a base to work on, and it least give me the confidence that I am working from a position of expertise rather than just making up in a way that may completely diminish my research and what is actually contained in the rest of the thesis.

I have not discussed this with my wife because I don’t want her to think that I’m struggling and I really don’t want her to think that I’m going to cheat with my work. That would be embarrassing and I’m also embarrassed that I might get found out, I know it’s a long shot, but you never know.

So what I think I’m going to do, because time is now running out to get this handed in, is I’m going to get the thesis discussion written for me and then I’m going to use that as a starting point for my own version. The least I can see how an expert would do it and then compare and contrast to produce something a little more realistic, but that actually reflects what I have done and the work I have put into it.

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Welcome to the blog of mature student lacking in confidence

I have given up work to do a degree for three years. We inherited some money last year and my wife agreed that it was a good opportunity for me to further my education. To be honest, for me it’s my last chance, at my age, I can’t keep going back into education, I need to make the most of this and then get on the last phase of my working life.

I am lacking confidence. I haven’t been in education for about 20 years and I’m worried about it. I think I like some of the skills, and I am concerned about my ability to complete the course with a good result.

Perhaps it is to my wife, but I think I jumped into doing a degree with a load of enthusiasm, but I didn’t think it through. I’m really struggling with how academic it is and I didn’t really consider that before I start. The workload is massive and with a wife and two children, admittedly they are older children, is causing a bit of strain in my head.

It also means having to sacrifice a lot my social life and I do feel a little isolated and lonely at times, because I am not in the workplace the way I used to be.

The reason I wanted to blog is to try and deal with some of those issues. I’m thinking that if I can talk them through then I can minimise them a bit. I don’t want to bore my partner with them, or all my friends and family, so I’m thinking that this might be a good way to softly address some of the problems before they become ridiculous.

I have a few specific things I’m dealing with at the moment, and I will talk about them later, they could have big implications if I do them, so I want to discuss them with my blog and have a proper think about them before taking action. Anyway, that’s it for now I just wanted to get this blog started and say hello, although I don’t think anybody will really be taking notice of this blog because it’s just so personal.

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